It's 4am and I can't sleep. I am so sober. I am listening to this Tool album Undertow.

So here goes my mind again, working like hell, thinking too much. I am thinking that Maynard somehow (did I use the correct word "somehow"?) refers to Jesus Christ a lot in his songs because, at least the way I'm getting into it, he doesn't like organized religion and hypocrisies.

But anyway, I am glad the man exists...coz he surely came across the "thing" that someone else is just keeping in his mind constantly. :>

Just a note to my bro:

De! Don't forget your promise, ok?

Less than 3 hours more but it seems like my body won't make it anymore. My eyes are heavy and my body is so tired. Why not? No sleep for 3 days! What do you expect? Haha! If my body could only talk by itself...

I wonder how my babies (my 3 Golden dogs) are doing right now. Are they ok?  Are they being taken care of by anybody there? Oh well...it is so hard to be a mom! I am just trying to make myself calm by not thinking too much about them. I am just telling myself that we'll just meet at the airport in the Phils in a few hours and that's it! Try to take away those wild thoughts and just try to stay awake until the day ends.

I feel so tired...yes...but when I think of it...again, it's nothing compared to 7 years, right?

written: May 5, 2008 6pm

Well, I am still here in Nagoya waiting for my ride....”hey dude! where's my car?!” LOL! Four hours to go but seems like four years more. But you know what? This is nothing compared to those 7 years in hell that I've survived in. Haha! I am strong! Oh well.....have to admit...I'm still weak and most of all...bored!

My cigarette's pack is almost empty, my iPod is almost drained, my eyes are almost closed and I'm hoping my Eee won't quit...but I am still here! Everything is just “almost”....so that means the game is not over yet. I am not a looser yet and I still have a big chance to win this day and make it to be mine...my day! Haha!

They said “Life is short” but you know what? I think it's not absolutely true. LOL! I don't know why did I think of that right at the moment. Maybe I am just trying to look at the brighter side of this day...coz if life really is short...then I must be wasting my time here. 8 long hours of waiting and doing nothing...isn't it a waste? Haha! No, it's not! It is just the “between” or shall I say, the “bridge between” the old and the new. It's just a matter of surviving these long hours so I can have a new life. But isn't that what I've been doing all these years? I guess not, coz if it is...then it wouldn't be 7 years. It would rather be like...7 days! LOL!

written: May 5, 2008 before 5pm  

After a little less than 4 hours of flight from Saipan, I came here in Japan passed 11am (Japan time). First thing I looked for was the smoking area. But I've spend like 2 hours to finally found it. LOL! I thought I wouldn't find it anymore! Hahaha! Scheduled to wait for at least 8 hours inside Nagoya CentraAir International Airport without smoking? What do you think I was feeling that time? Hahaha! I was so desperate but then again, I've started to accept the possibility that I wouldn't be able to find one and I was expecting a very severe headache and chest pains when I get to the Philippines. Coz you see, less than 4 hours travel from Saipan, not to count the time spent from check-in to take-off, eh, then 8 hours of waiting for the connecting flight to Manila and another less than 5 hours of flight. Can you imagine that? More or less 17 hours of clean living? Hahaha!

Anyway, after that 2 hours of searching for "heaven", I told myself that maybe, just maybe, I could find Starbucks or any coffeeshop. And yes I did! And amazingly, it is near this small "smoking room". Yes! Smoking room! This just proves that coffee should always come with cigarette or "yosi"!

And so then, what do you expect, from then till now that I am writing this, I never get more than 20 meters away from this small heaven! LOL! I am sure smokers out there could understand the feeling. Hahaha!

written: May 5, 2008 3:30 pm

...and so then I came back to the Phils! I was looking forward to get back on the scene but financial instability came over me so I had to find a job and keep the music behind for a while. But of course, my CDs are still there, as always, to comfort me!

If you would come here in my house, you will notice one thing: there's no TV, no other appliances, but at least I have my mini-notebook and of course my mini-component and 2 brown-cubic-boxes right next to it. You guess right! CDs! They are all in those 2 boxes! LOL! Can't live without these two: notebook and my CDs!

Oh well...I guess sometimes staying at home for life is not enough. I still miss those days in the outside world! Hanging out and feeling the live and raw music that is actually being played by the physically present band members...with the energy, soul, rhythm and loudness. But I know that things are completely different nowadays...lots of new bands are out there. I'm sure I will feel completely lost and outdated. But it's okay, right? I would take it as a challenge! It's gonna be like entering a new world again. LOL!

Well I guess I should wait...wait for the right time to get out there and rock!

PART 1